Empty Nest

It's been a while since I wrote a post - life has been hectic. But something has happened: my son has left home.

No-one warns you. Oh I have heard a few mutterings about "empty nest syndrome", but nothing that comes close to the emotional turmoil that you feel when a child leaves home. Maybe it is worse because he is an only child, maybe the point of having more children is to distract you when the oldest ones grow up and leave. I don't know. But what I do know is that I have a terrible feeling that part of my life is over, like losing a long held job quicker than you thought was possible. I feel more than a little redundant and sad, and yet so terribly proud - yes I wanted to hold onto him for longer but he has left me as a man, a very good, sensible, kind, ambitious, loving, happy and independent man.

Happy New Year!

Another year. No resolutions, I see little point in starting the year with a sense of failure. But when all the Christmas chocs and biscuits are gone I still hope to fit into those clothes that have been lurking at the back of my wardrobe for longer than I'd care to admit.

Modern Life (Again)!

I feel like I am hurtling downhill towards a precipice. Life is good and I desperately want to hold onto each day, to make time go slower so that I can enjoy every precious moment, but it feels like I am holding sand and the tighter I try to hold on the more it slips through my fingers.

A dream fulfilled

Many years ago, when life was difficult, my friend offered an escape. He dreamt of buying a boat and suggested that we could live on it away from the lives that we were leading then. We would live off the coast of some Greek island and in summer he could take tourists out on trips, and in winter we could hibernate in the shelter of some small Greek harbour. A simple, idyllic life.

Of course I was tempted, but I felt tied to the life I had. But when days felt really tough, the idea that I had this other option helped me through.

Now life is good, and I have no need to wish for an escape, but I felt immense pleasure as I stood yesterday and looked at the shell of a boat he has bought. It may be many years later, the boat may need a lot of work, and it may never find its way to that Greek island but I know it is a dream finally fulfilled.

Confessions of a Contol Freak

One December evening I poured myself a glass of wine and started to dismantle the Christmas Tree. Hours before, my husband and son had stood proudly next to the tree, which they had managed to locate in the loft, to show me the efforts they had gone to with tinsel and baubles. And I had tried to live with it, I really had, but the fact remained that they had mixed in purple and silver with gold and red, the tinsel wasn't entirely even, and the baubles were just hanging wrong. So down it all came, and hours later it was redecorated correctly.
I have always thought that I am quite laid back, but slowly it is dawning on me that perhaps I am a bit of a control freak. I see each day as a timetable and my life as a task list, and I do not cope well with things that break the routine. When I discovered that my morning digestives were actually chocolate digestives I was sent into a severe stress that my normal routine had been changed. And the idea of putting mismatching pillowcases with the duvet, or eating with mismatching cutlery, just sends me over the edge.
In my defence, being in control is my way of dealing with a busy life with as little thought as possible. And with the routine taken care of, sometimes, just sometimes, I can concentrate on being spontaneous, escaping the routine, having an adventure. After all, when I get home from living a bit closer to the edge, I will know that we still have enough toilet roll in the house, food for packed lunches, and school uniform washed.

A little privacy, please!

You meet someone, fall in love and imagine that life together will be one long private moment on a beautiful, warm, secluded beach. Well actually, you don't because none of us are foolish enough to imagine that life will really be like this, because this is the rare exception, not the norm. But that is ok because the reality can be good too - family life, busy life, children, pets, parents, and trying to make your house a welcoming home can be more satisfying than a life wasted on one long endless tropical beach.
But those small private moments are important too. Waking up slowly on a Sunday morning with your husband is how it should be. Having that moment ruined by your husband's ex wife on speaker phone as one of the step children wanders into your bedroom with the phone is not how it should be. Ah! The rich tapestry of family life!

Strange but true

Sometimes life just seems odd. This morning the milkman left us three tins of dog food instead of three pints of milk. We don't even have a dog.